Everyday I meet with incredibly strong men, both young and old. They feel something is off and the only way they can describe it is by calling themselves weak. Something feels broken.  The pressure to be successful, powerful and in control feel like a far reach and there’s no way of getting there. Something is wrong and they stand up every day and face their fears. We hear men in our office explain how weakness is intolerable. It’s against anything allowed. It’s taboo!  Many guys can’t fathom weakness, we build a facade around it, we create a sense of being a man for protection.  Perhaps sometimes, we just see weakness as a place to toughen up.

But what if it is was something else?   If you shifted this pattern of living?

Why do we need to tell men in our lives that they have to be strong all the time?  Why do men need to be reminded how to create a sense of “being a man?”  As a man, we struggle with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, isolation, even anger. We aren’t talking to men like any person deserves to be spoken to? Our adolescent males are living in at a time that the chains of masculinity are being challenged and there seems to be a void as to how one can identify their internal life. Are we checking in with them? Is there a language and a support that is outside of the norms of toughening up? When we don’t find these things, we ignore the signs. We are doing everything we can to help them succeed and yet missing all the points. Since when did self control equal success which then equals happiness?  Can that be overdone in our world?

I have to admit the old-school way doesn’t work anymore.

1. 1. 1. There’s pressure to “man up” or be a man in a new environment, leaving you to have to figure it out on your own.
      2. Medical professionals ignore isolation and anxiety as a signs of struggle. In fact, they don’t even ask!
      3. Being a man is just “understood” and behavior is expected.
      4. Strength and masculinity is associated in contradictory ways. If you don’t have muscles you may not be seen as a “man” and yet on the other side of the spectrum, if you do have muscles then you can’t have emotions.
      5. Magazines such as Mens Health and GQ are teaching our kids to cut the fat, intensify exercise, adhere to strict meal protocols and when a male can’t meet these impossible demands, they feel compromised.
      6. Emotions mean you are weak, you should not share.
      7. Creativity, expression, softness – all are not characteristic of being masculine.
      8. Being a “Man” feels as though you have to always be a leader.