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You instantly want to disagree, it’s ingrained in us. He can’t feel weak. That’s not how guys should be.
We listen. We get it. We all can feel this way.
Just yesterday this happened to me. I immediately reacted and said, “there’s no way you’re weak, come on now!” Then I started giving examples when suddenly…
I stopped myself.
Everyday I meet with incredibly strong men, both young and old. They feel weak and yet they stand up every day and face their fears. We her men in our office explain how weakness is intolerable. It’s against anything allowed. It’s taboo! Many guys can’t fathom weakness, we build a facade around it, we create a sense of strength for protection. Perhaps sometimes, we just see weakness as a place to toughen up.
But what it is was something else? If you shifted this pattern of living, would you get better?
They get better!
Why do we need to tell men in our lives that they have to be strong all the time? Why do men need to be reminded how to create a sense of “being a man?” As a man, we struggle with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, isolation, even anger. Could it be because we aren’t talking to men like a person deserves? Are we checking in with them? We ignore the signs. We are doing everything we can to help them succeed and yet missing all the points. Since when did self control equal success which them equaled happiness? Can that be overdone in our world?
I have to admit the old-school way doesn’t work anymore.
Being strong all the time doesn’t work!
What if being strong is a defense mechanism? We are learning about the countless college kids that are coming home. The need for building skills around making friends, emotions, and social dynamics. Learning to build a relationship with academics and learning for life not always trying to understand that body and food has to be over-controlled. Learning limits and how to handle sadness and anxiety. Understanding mood instability can be regulated. Creating a sense of stability and internal trust when everyone else seems to be fine. That’s not fair! There must be something wrong with our men. These common occurrences are workable. But being just “strong” isn’t going to answer the problem.
Mental Health Concerns in Men is Increasing Because:
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- There’s pressure to “man up” or be a man in a new environment, leaving you to have to figure it out on your own.
- Medical professionals ignore isolation and anxiety as a signs of struggle. In fact, they don’t even ask!
- Being a man is just “understood” and behavior is expected.
- Strength and masculinity is associated in contradictory ways. If you don’t have muscles you may not be seen as a “man” and yet on the other side of the spectrum, if you do have muscles then you can’t have emotions.
- Magazines such as Mens Health and GQ are teaching our kids to cut the fat, intensify exercise, adhere to strict meal protocols and when a male can’t meet these impossible demands, they feel compromised.
- Emotions mean you are weak, you should not share.
- Creativity, expression, softness – all are not characteristic of being masculine.
- Being a “Man” feels as though you have to always be a leader.
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There is a way to stop the madness. It’s difficult. We won’t lie.
